Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Adultack

Sometimes I forget that I'm an adult and growing up and making big decisions.

Why I'm currently having an 'Adultack':
(adult+attack=adultack. i just made it up, nbd)

A. I hate dogs. That is not new. It is old news. BUT when I went to get my handicap sign for my car (I'm disabled!) I was pulling into a parking spot and lo and behold there was a dog standing right where my car was headed. It was eating trash. It would not move for a hot minute and I was considering just going for it. One less dog? The world would a better place.

BUT then I stopped. I waited. It was a little dog so I couldn't really see if it was gone until I looked to my right and saw it standing there. I pulled forward. The dog lived. I'm full of charity.

B. I go to the dentist. And my dentist is LEGIT. I haven't ever loved going to the dentist as much as I do now. I went to my appointment last week and the dentist and his assistant got excited to see me. Now, it may just be an act, but I think they really DID miss me. Also, and this is weird a little bit, but after every appointment, my dentist will call to make sure everything is going well with my teeth. So random, but entertaining. Because I'm always like "Who's number is this?! I recognize it" and then its my dentist. I'm popular.

C. I have bunions. I mean bunion. And I drive those electronic carts around grocery stores. But sometimes the batteries run out on those carts when I'm at the back of the store and I haven't finished my shopping, so I'm left to try and manage my way through the store with a handbasket and my crutches, looking both ridiculous and more 'special' than I already am. So embarrassing. But people are very helpful here.

D. I read biographies...well, autobiographies. I'm looking at you Jay-Z! And Bob Barker.

E. I fall asleep watching movies. And sometimes I snore.

Reasons I'm still not an adult:
A. I love Justin Bieber

B. I still hope all dogs die

C. I fear all responsibility



Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Texts from Donald

I have a brother named Donald.

But everyone calls him DoFo.


True story: I went to the high school to meet up with someone when I was home last year. As I walked by the room of one of the most popular teachers in the school, Mr. T saw me and called me into his class. He does things like this.

His opening statement (to his class): "How many of you know Do-Fo?"

EVERYONE IN THE CLASS RAISES THEIR HAND.

Mr. T: "This is Do-Fo's older sister"

Class: "Whoaaaa...whattt???? Cool."

Just one example of how Donald basically rules the school. (Sorry Donald...)

Anyways, Donald sends me the best text messages. I save them in my phone because they make me laugh. But I thought I'd share the joy.

Here we go:

"So some guy just called to ask if dad was single because some lady down at the temple wanted to know. Guess he was asking for her"

"So I was walking from math to the bathroom, it was still passing period, and this random girl fame up and gave me a hug, her and her friends thought it was going to be funny because they thought they would weird me out. I could tell because they were laughing. Little did they know who they picked, so as she did this i started rubbing her head/hair, they were not expecting that so they started laughing at their friend who was undoubtedly embarrassed."

"So I went to buffalo wild wings with some friends tonight and while we are there this other kid from my physics class shows up and gets a table right behind us. So i got our waitress to bring him a glass of water and say it was from me. He turns around and just starts laughing. It was great!"

"I just got trapped in an elevator!"

Yeah. The kid is funny.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Weekend Wrap-up

Bam suckas.

Looks like its going to be a great season of Celebrity Apprentice. With Gary Busey, Lil' Jon, Meatloaf, the deaf actress that I really only recognize from that episode of Seinfeld (the lip reader), and that chick from one of the housewives shows...we are sure to get some good times in the upcoming weeks.

I wasn't really surprised when David Cassidy was the first to go. Richard (Dick) Hatch is annoying and manipulative but I also thought it was funny that Cassidy was all like "Hey Mr. Trump. Dick physically abused me" when really he just kind of pushed him out of the way. And then in the boardroom Dick was being really funny and calling David 'sensitive' and 'a little man'.

Do those words really describe David Cassidy?


I also saw the Adjustment Bureau on Saturday night. Despite having to climb up to the second to last row with my crutches, it was an overall enjoyable experience. But if I start seeing more guys wearing Fedora's Imma be upset. Only Asians, gays, old men, and actors from the 1950's can really pull those hats off. The truth hurts.

Also, I might hang out with Koreans more in America than I did in Korea.


And sometimes I get Janna to join the party.
In her words, "Asians, cripples, and an endless supply of pizza? So many of my favorite things"

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Fantastic Mr Fox

That is what I am watching right now.

I had my bunion surgery almost two weeks ago. That means two weeks of using crutches. I'm starting to think that this inability to walk is affecting other parts of my life.

Much like Colin Firth, I have randomly started stuttering in my speech. Only difference between me and him is that I won't win an Oscar.

I also have lost any balance I have ever had. I don't know if the weight of my boot is creating an imbalance or if I'm just unsteady but I almost fall over probably 30 times a day. It's awesome. Except when I accidentally fall and have to use my broken foot to steady myself and then become paranoid that I knock the SIX SCREWS the doctor put in my foot out of place.

Seriously. I don't know how its possible that there are now six screws in my foot...actually, they are only in my big toe...is that normal? Was my toe that messed up? Its embarrassing. Everyone else only has one or two screws.


I've been wondering if anyone knows whether or not I could start getting Senior Citizen discounts? Twitter has been suggesting that I follow AARP lately.