There's this new(ish) app out there in the world called Tinder.
When you get older, or when you're young and it's the trendy/trashy thing to do, you decide some things in life are ridiculous and kind of dumb but you still do them because what could it hurt? Pride and shame are overrated at this point.
Tinder is one of these things. For those of you not familiar, here is a brief description.
If you remember Hot or Not of days gone by (the website where pictures of humans appear and you rate them on a scale of 1-10 based on their hotness...over and over and over again), Tinder is not completely foreign to you. In fact, some may say they blossom from the same superficial flower.
You download the app. It connects to Facebook to get your info (there is no such thing as privacy in this world), and you create a profile of sorts. This profile consists of five or so pictures, your age, and some text. The text varies among people, some simply throwing down a line or two of something they find clever, and others writing awkward paragraphs about their lives that nobody actually reads but everyone still judges. It also lets you know if you and a stranger have any Facebook friends in common...for whatever reason.
This is mostly it. You put in some specifications about what you're looking for in a man (or woman) and the app searches for matches within a certain amount of miles from you. Thanks, technology. Now a stranger can see if I'm a mile away and he can invite me over for some drink.
The first match/picture appears. If you find this match to your liking (from the picture they put up of them fishing and their text with only the letters KCCO) (seriously, i had no idea so many dudes took pictures of them fishing. or in their cars with their dogs. so many dogs.) (and KCCO? keep calm and chive on? what does this actually mean??) then you swipe their picture to the right (or click the little heart). If you're not interested, you swipe left and forget they exist. It's that easy. You just keep swiping. Left/right. Left. Left. Left. Right. Left. Love doesn't take long at all.
Here's the genius. You are only notified if both you and the other person swipe right (or say yes). There is no way to contact each other until Tinder lets you know 'you've matched!'. This enables a messenger where you can talk and men will inevitably start the conversation with something really witty (examples: hola. hey. hello. or what is your cup size?).
I matched with a guy named Corrupt the other day. We had a nice chat until he started telling me about all the alcohol and then weapons his apartment contained. Sorry, Corrupt, I don't think I can make it over for whiskey. Also, I don't drink whiskey. He told me that I looked like a sweetheart in all my pictures except the first one. That one was, and I quote, 'seriously unflattering'. He was 'just being honest'.
Dating of the future is so hard.