Wednesday, October 22, 2014


I went to my very first vegan restaurant a couple weeks ago.

It mostly happened because my friend wanted something somewhat 'healthy' and I figured the local Dairy Queen wouldn't qualify.  It was his birthday, after all, so I pulled up Yelp to try to find something that wouldn't taste like dirt.

The place I found had rave reviews.  I was sold: the citizens of Yelp made me feel secure.

But boy oh boy, did I lose my trust in humanity that day.

Walking into the restaurant felt foreign to me...the walls were too clean, the employees too hipster.  Yet, I continued on.  The man at the front was very helpful when I told him I was new to this and that I needed some suggestions.  He mentioned a few things but quickly added, "But seriously. Everything is so good here".  I picked one of the specials-one of the dishes he said by name.  He had a pretty killer beard, so I wanted to believe him.

Moments later, our meal arrived.  During the wait I had been sipping on some of their lavender lemonade, which was actually pretty delightful.  It kept my hopes high and my hunger even higher.

I don't remember the name of the food I got, but it was some kind of food.

I started eating and kept asking myself if the food was the problem, or my taste buds.  At what point do people start thinking flavorless food is delicious?  I didn't get it then, and I don't get it now.

Unusually, I didn't finish my meal but offered the second half to my friend.  He liked it.

And since I signed up to be a part of their 'club' in order to get the lemonade for free, I had to instantly unsubscribe to their emails as soon as I got home.  Because homie ain't got time for that.