Sunday, June 12, 2016

Summer Start

This summer I am staying in America and doing a road trip over the course of next three weeks or so.  I'm excited to get out and see some places I haven't seen or haven't spent much time.  It should be a delightful experience and I'll be sure to keep you guys in the loop.  Because, you know, you want to be in the loop.  The sometimes embarrassing loop that is my life.

That being said, the last 36 hours or so have been a pretty sweet start to this vacation.  Let me tell about some of the things that have happened.

It all started in the Costco gas station.  I was sitting there with my girl Janna when she looked behind us and said "Is that JamestheMormon?!"

If you are unfamiliar with Mr. The Mormon, whom I will lovingly refer to as James, he is a rapper based out of Utah who is Mormon.  And his name is James.  And he is very handsome and talented and duh we all have crushes on him.   Check out one of his videos/jams here if you want.  He is truly a visual and auditory treasure.

Anyways, recently James had retweeted one of my tweets about him (if you stop taking me seriously now I don't judge you) and so after we were mostly positive it was actually James behind us at the Costco gas station, I jumped out of the car and we engaged him in conversation.  It started with my reference to the tweet, and it ended a few minutes later after he complimented my Kanye shirt and Janna's joggers.  Because we're super fashionable.  And James respects that.  We drove away and noticed he was jamming out in his car. In conclusion, we're now best friends and potential lovers of James.

This, my friends, was just the beginning of our weekend.

Today has also provided many delightful gems in human form.

We stopped into church and a man walked in with a perfectly sculpted mustache.  I complimented him on his facial hair and this was his response: "And you know what makes this mustache better?! I have a snack hat!" This guy was walking around with a top hat full of snacks.  I couldn't quite tell what snacks were found in this hat, or how high quality they were, but the fact of the matter remains: this man sneaks snacks into church in his hat.

The day continued onward when we decided nourishment was needed and we stopped by a favorite pizza joint, Pinky G's.  We were greeted kindly and somewhat aggressively by worker man Cameron and watched as his son/child/underaged fellow employee wiped down tables.  As we sat at a table near the entrance of the restaurant, we noticed a rugged hunter man with sparkly eyes sitting at the bar alone.  Of course.  After some encouragement, Janna went up to ask for more ranch dressing and shared a few brief words about America with this handsome stranger.  While this interaction seemed fruitless at first, a few moments later Greg (not his real name) asked if he could join us.  DUH GREG.

If Janna and I are good at anything, it's talking to strangers.  And being funny.  Greg was hard to read, and we weren't sure if he thought we were funny.  But he stuck around awhile and we chatted about things like his job and he mentioned how he does some horseback riding guides.  Well, just a few hours prior Janna and I were talking about how we wanted to go horseback riding.  Perfect!  What a lucky life connection!  So we made tentative plans with Greg to meet up in the next day or two to go riding.  Numbers were exchanged.  He left.

Not more than an hour later, Greg texted and we decided meeting up tomorrow would be best.  After stalking him on FB and finding him to be a solid Trump supporter, interest waned but we couldn't say no to a free horseback riding experience.  But then he decided to push the limit.  He texted the following:

"See you then!  I would like to let you know that my interests are a short horseback ride and a long RV bedroom ride.  If your friend wants to come she is welcome to but there isn't any other young cowboys at the ranch.  All the others are old men that haven't refilled their Viagra prescription."

What. What.  WHAT?  We responded with a thanks but no thanks and that was that.  But really.  Why do people think this ok!?  We spent the rest of the evening discussing in what world this would be an appropriate thing to say to a stranger and dissecting the interaction.

And then we drove through the park and gazed at the beauty of the world and sang Seasons of Love as loud as possible in a parking lot and when were done singing the woman parked a few spots away from us had rolled down her window and started clapping.

So yes.  So far, so good.  Welcome to my loop.



Rachel said...

Best blog post. Ever. 😂😂👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Logg said...

Has anyone been seduced at the prospect of an "RV bedroom"? Does that rank above or below "come by after my parents go to sleep" in terms of sexiness?

Randon and Bethanie said...

Fantastic post. If only I could be a fly on the wall... Except I don't think I could resist joining in the shock and dissection of a proposed romp in an RV bedroom. Yikes!! Selfishly speaking, I hope y'all encounter many more strange people so you can write more hilarious posts!

stewedslacker said...

Awwwww YEAH: the ol' "come for a long RV ride" line. Classy, and classic.

Katie Chandler said...

Now pondering how to convince Scott to wear a snack hat to church.