Thursday, July 28, 2016

15 times 2



I'm 30.

I just want to make sure everyone is aware of this.

Age is funny.  Are we proud of getting older?  Or are we ashamed?  Or does it even matter? 


But that's neither here nor there.


Because I'm 30.

And today I stood in line for an hour to meet DJ Khaled.


For those of you who need a quick refresher on this celebrity:  DJ Khaled was born Khaled Mohamed Khaled a whole decade before I was born.  He's a DJ, a radio personality, a music producer, and a social media mogul who has turned a whole generation of children (and some 30 year olds) into his little minions.  DJ Khaled is preparing to release his new album in just a few days and he loves flowers, his unborn baby, blessings, the elliptical, and Snapchat.  And I love him for all of it.  Seriously.  He loves flowers so much.

Anyways, because I have the heart of a teenager for eternity, I buy into this celebrity world and so when I found out DJ Khaled was going to be at a pop-up shop in NYC just a few days after I arrived, I was instantly attracted to it.  

Then, when DJ Khaled retweeted me the night before his appearance, I was sold.* 


*This sentence makes me feel a little sad about myself*

Nonetheless, after a long day of teacher training, I made my way up to where Khaled was slated to show.  Luckily, he keeps himself pretty updated on Snapchat so I knew he was late.  I checked out the bustling line of mostly teenage boys and thought to myself: this is my scene. 
(in an appropriate way).  


I had a fleeting moment of reality when I saw myself standing in line, alone, waiting to meet this man who has learned how to play the marketing game so well...and I was confused at my life choices.  Did I really want to wait in line for this?  Did I really think this was the best use of my time?



Yes.  The answer was yes.  



So after proving myself a loyal fan, and also pretending to be the weird old aunt of the group of girls in front of me (we all want to belong somewhere), he showed up.  He gracefully exited his van with his phone in hand, Snapchatting the line of excited teenagers (and me).  YOU GUYS I MADE IT ON DJ KHALED'S SNAPCHAT LIKE 5 TIMES.  Don't worry here are the flattering screen shot (which were surprisingly difficult to capture so you're welcome):

   

              





Some more line time.  Some more time waiting without using my phone because I was afraid it might die before I got my picture with him.


Then I was up.  My bag was checked.  Security scanned me for safety reasons.  I walked through the doors.  I flirted with the security man who touched my arm more than enough times.  And there he was: DJ Khaled in his throne.



I hated him for a moment, as I realized he was capitalizing on us all, as he legitimately looked down on us from his gold and velvet chair.  He was making so much money just sitting.  I'm so jealous of that.




It was finally my turn and they were very clear that each person was only allowed one photograph, taken by their designated photographer.  I approached and went to shake his hand...when he pulled in for a hug.

Photo taken.  


But really, THREE photos taken.  Because #blessed.





And then I left and ate a hamburger by myself.